Crave - A documentary

Have you ever been judged by a someone who calls themselves a Christian?  I have.  As a Christian it upsets me.  

Recently I had the opportunity to see the documentary Crave.  Crave is a look at how people are open to spirituality but not as open to Jesus Christ.  It was interesting to see that many times it was the delivery not the message that turned people off.  In the end it was suggested that Christian's take a new approach - start by listening to other people's stories.

For me this is nothing new.  I have always struggled with the ability to create opportunities to share my faith.  Often I have been put off myself by people who need to always preach at others.  This just made me feel that they were judging me, which is in conflict with loving others and loving one another is truly what Christ is all about.

Often times religion seems to pop up in a conversation.  Many people seem shocked to discover that I am a Christian.  Mostly because I'm not a bible thumping, finger pointing kind of person.  I firmly believe that we are to be in the world, loving each other.  

Doesn't mean we have to condone lifestyles that don't line up with biblical principles.  However it is not our job to judge.  Only God has the right to determine who goes to heaven and who goes to hell.  It's just our job to love them and demonstrate our faith in the way we live.

In my opinion, judging others because they don't know Christ or live a lifestyle contrary to biblical principles demonstrates a lack of knowledge of what Christ was all about.  Christ hung with the lowest of the low in his day.  He broke bread with them.  Healed them.  Shared His life with them.  Yet today, many Christians are no better than the Sadduccees or Pharisees who missed the point.  They got hung up in the rules.  The very rules that Christ came to save them from.

When challenged on what commandment was most important Christ responded "Love your neighbour as yourself and love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind."  Think about it, if you do these two things could you really break one of the ten commandments?  Furthermore, aren't the ten commandments really common sense?  Some of them are even laws!

If you're a Christian I challenge you to think about how you react to people that don't believe in God.  Do you shun them?  Do you listen to their story?  Do you ask what they believe in?  Do you try to understand them and the objections they may have to Christianity?

If you're not a Christian, contact me.  I'd like to hear what you believe and why.  I promise not to preach at you.  I would like to share with you my story if you're willing to listen.

I am a Soccer Mom

Last week I became a soccer mom.  Something I had joked with my friends about never becoming but I did.  My son is two years old now and one bundle full of energy.  Typical toddler he is testing his limits. He doesn't always listen well.  However he does enjoy kicking a ball around and running.

The first class did not go so well.  Not because of the coaching; Coach Meagan rocks!  The problem was Byron had decided he didn't want to take a nap that afternoon.  I had one cranky boy on my hands!  And the mood swings!  I did not know a little boy could have so many mood swings in 45 minutes.  One minute he would be screaming to keep playing the last game, then run off to join the current game.  But I was determined to make it through the whole practice.  We did and Byron was exhausted.

Second class went much better.  B did not always want to stop playing the game but he recovered and joined the next game quicker.  Then with 10 minutes left in the class he just laid down on the grass and rubbed his eye.  His fun threshold had been temporarily maxed out.  It was too cute.  

Now some people may think that I'm insane for starting B in soccer at only two years of age.  To them I say that Sportball starts at 16 months!  Sportball isn't just soccer either.  It's also volleyball, basketball, tennis, hockey, golf and football.  What better way to introduce young children to a variety of sports so that they can make a solid decision on which one(s) they want to continue playing.

The other defence to the sanity claim I have is simple - if children are ready to participate in pre-school, why not sports?  Why just limit learning to colouring, counting, and the alphabet?  Why not also teach them other skills, get them moving, having fun?  As parents we do need to strike a balance between over scheduling our child and giving them opportunities to grow.

My choice for soccer was based on two simple facts.  B likes to kick and run after a ball; soccer is a logical sport to try.  Soccer is also a shorter program letting me test the waters as to whether B was even ready for organized sports.

When I was growing up I don't remember starting sports until grade 5 but I also realize that my parents sacrificed to put me through the best school they could afford.  Within that school I was exposed to high quality education, music and competitive sports.  I attribute my successes to my coaches as much as my band and choir director as I do all the teachers I had at that school.  

My goal is to ensure B has those same lessons that are not as obvious at first glance.  Two year olds are asserting their independence, learning to listen and follow instructions.  Soccer is offering B a fun way of developing those skills but at the same time he is also learning that he cannot always do what he wants, when he wants.  He's learning boundaries.  For example, there is a playground at the end of the soccer field.  B is always torn between the playground and a chance to kick a ball.  Throughout practice I can be heard saying "We can play on the playground after soccer."  He sometimes whines but sometimes he will go back to the skill lesson.

Honestly I would encourage parents to consider sports at this age where ever it is available.  It's good wholesome fun all while learning valuable life lessons.  At the very least encouraging sports at a young age is also instilling in a child the importance of physical activity in a healthy lifestyle.

Secretly, I'm really hoping B doesn't decide to be a hockey player.  I'm not a morning person, nor do I like cold arenas.  On the other hand, I do like coffee and chatting with other parents...

Who could you Honour?

This post is long overdue...

The current series being shared at my church is on "Lost Virtues" and the first in the series was Honour. Check out the podcasts at (a)dore Victoria.  This prompted me to honour a friend who has and continues to impact my life with her strength and determination (Read "Brought to you by the letter J"

Since the message, and Jo's overwhelming response to my post I have done a lot of thinking. The message shared by Andy Moore needs to be spread like wildfire. Shifting virtues could very well be held responsible for the various negative trends occurring in the behaviour of young adults, youth and children in today's age.

Daily I face the false sense of entitlement. I work in the legal department of a collection agency. No I'm not the bad guy. I'm just the one using extreme measures to force you to honour your financial commitment to whom you received goods or services from. Yes I realize that some people hit hard times and are unable to pay as they intend but honestly, is it honourable to then simply try to hide from the situation? Credit counselors first advise to make contact with creditors and try to work out a deal when unexpected hard times hit.

Another part of my life that lacked honour was in my marriages. Yes, it's plural. I've been married twice. First marriage ended when my then husband ran out without so much as an explanation. It was nine years later through Facebook that I was told of rumours that I was having an affair with my personal trainer. I'm not sure which hurt more, the thought that my ex thought I could dishonour him so severely by breaking my wedding vows or that he dishonoured me by not talking to me about the rumours first.

My second marriage truly tested my ability to honour my marriage vows. In the end my then husband's extreme lack of honour was the root of the marriage breakdown. His behaviour has been categorized by counselors as "abusive" however I was never physically harmed however I am still recovering from the mental and emotional damage that was done by the horrible words spoken.

Now I realize that honouring someone is not always easy but it is highly beneficial. While indulging in Tara Banks talk show one day she shared how Demi Moore retaliates negative comments on her Twitter stream by sending that tweep back an overly positive message. VERY difficult but highly rewarding action.

Since hearing Andy's message I have tried to be more conscious about honouring those I love in my life and attempting to curb my unconscious ability to dishonour people in hopes that I can stop such a negative destructive behaviour. I hope those that read this can do the same.

My question to you is: Who could you honour today?

OK, that doesn't seem right...

So I was given the heads up on the following article from @SusanJones on Twitter http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Liberals+free+change+anti+proposal/3394377/story.html

Now I'm back to my original rant on the HST Extinguishment Act and general apathy of people when it comes to politics.

First off, we live in a democracy. Democracy by definition is "government by the people" so why are we not ensuring that the politicians who get elected are doing what we want? Better yet, why are we all not voting to ensure that the leaders we ALL want in power are the ones that get elected?

I am all for less taxes because I don't think that our government is being all that responsible with our money but is there more that could be done to kill HST than JUST the HST Extinguishment Act? Personally I think there is. I think if we start calling for more transparency on where are current tax dollars are going and making a stink about where money could be more wisely spent HST Extinguishment Act may have a better chance of surviving, or even getting to, a legislative debate.

Now I'm not political science major. I am a paralegal that has seen all too many times how legislation is ineffective; how our system is flawed; and how people are apathetic to calling for change when needed. However, it doesn't seem right that when I waste my money I have to suffer but when the government wastes my money they don't suffer, they don't pay the consequences it's the taxpayers that pay for their lack of fiscal responsibility.

UGH!

Four day?! It's been four days since I last blogged? Wow, I thought I was getting better at this whole daily blogging thing. Guess not.

I've never been that good at keeping a daily routine other than the basic eat, sleep and work. Now that I have a toddler I put more effort into it but that doesn't always work either. Take last night for instance - Drive-In Movie night at the mall. Obviously the movie started later than my toddler's bedtime but as a single mom I had one of two choices - skip the movie or let my boy sleep in his carseat (something he is more than happy to do). I opted for #2.

Today I am exhausted and my toddler unphased. Why on earth did I stay up late? Oh yeah, it was fun. Today, not so much. Woke to toddler insisting at the top of his lungs to be let out of his bedroom (when will he learn to play with toys in the morning?) before the coffee, that I actually set the night before, started brewing. Oy wey!

At least I have time to blog...hopefully I don't fall asleep at my desk. All in all seeing a young John Cusack in "Say Anything" was a lot of fun.

Power of Positive Thinking

Years ago Oprah put out this challenge to keep a positive thought journal for a year and see how your life improves by the end of that year. Simple thing - write down three positives from the day. Seemed like a good idea so I tried it. Couldn't do it everyday, not really good at routine, nor keeping a journal. What I did do is when sad I would focus on the positive and try to think of the three positives for that day to cheer myself up. It worked. Not only did it work, but I have fewer sad days and generally look for the positive in any crappy situation.

Now for those that don't know me, I am a single mom who works part-time as a paralegal and has fibromyalgia. Big challenges. Sometimes very difficult to stay positive. Especially when it comes to money.

There never is much money in my home but I live a simple life and am on a constant hunt to do things cheaper. Lately I have come to terms with the fact that this is more than "tough times" but this is the new lifestyle for my son and I. Ever since that moment where I became zen with my poverty I have been blessed left, right and center.

When I was down to my last $10 I found $20 in a baby carrier. When I was getting close to running out of money an item I listed on usedvictoria.com sold. When my stroller was going to cost me $35 to fix and not really to my satisfaction I was given and even better stroller for free.

Now as a Christian I don't believe this is coincidence. This is Jehovah Jireh my Provider. I am a strong believer in the fact that God will provide for my needs. Now that I am focusing on my needs, rather than wants, being responsible with my money and trusting God to provide where the paycheque doesn't stretch quite far enough life is just plan happier.

My challenge to anyone reading this is - what three positives happened for you today?

Brought to you by the letter J

My blogging absence has been in part from my inability to get the thoughts out of my head and on to the computer. Today may be a multi-blogging type of day.

Today I feel overly compelled to honour someone who has been a part of my life since I was a young impressionable girl. Someone who touches the lives around her in a deep way despite the crap she's going through. That woman is Jolene.

I first met Jolene when I was in grade 5 or 6. We both went to a small, private Christian school where unfortunately judgmental attitudes seemed to rule. Neither of us were "preppy" and that alone made it difficult for us. Jolene had another challenge. She started at the school in Junior High when many of her classmates had been together from grade 1. Hard crowd to break into.

But the most admirable thing I remember of those times was that Jolene was always true to herself and no matter how much the others hurt her she was there to meet their needs when she could. She doesn't hold grudges she holds grace, love and integrity.

For many years I lost touch with Jolene but was overwhelmingly happy to reconnect via Facebook a few years ago. She hasn't changed. Well, she's now a mother but the core of who she is hasn't changed. Jolene continues to give as much as she possibly can to those around her. When a life afflicted with chronic pain kept her homebound more she reached out to the online community with her blog and quest to build a new community. A community for people afflicted or touched by a life of chronic pain.

It started with a blog 'Graceful Agony'. The most appropriate name to describe Jolene's life. Despite her physical pain and the emotional pain that life brings Jolene does it all with a grace I aspire to have.

I tend to sit back and quietly observe this community but it is growing rapidly and Jolene is getting recognized for her efforts. Most of the time I am just in awe of the strength and determination that Jolene possess to keep on forging a better path for all of us who are suffering with chronic pain. I myself have fibromyalgia and despite it not being as life altering as many in the Graceful Agony community I, in my darkest hours, am inspired by all who day after day wake up and determine that their pain will not rule their life and they will have as normal a life as possible.

Beyond Graceful Agony Jolene is also a mother. What I love most about her mothering is that her little man comes first. As I write this he is battling a fever, Jolene is in extreme pain but she presses on to be there for him. This is not an easy task! When you have blinding pain the last thing you want to deal with is a puking 10 year old with a fever over 101! Jolene however shares her struggles with us and allows us the opportunity to give back to her (although this is not her motive, she shares to explain why she's not blogging - crazy lady!). I am no longer shocked by how many people post encouragement to Jolene's FB wall when she admits to having a bad day.

I could go on and on about how much Jolene means to me but I'll stop here. Check her out for herself at http://gracefulagony.wordpress.com/ Even if you don't suffer from chronic pain or know someone who does it will give you insight into the lives of people around you that may be suffering in silence with chronic pain and maybe, just maybe, you might become infected by the desire to constantly strive to improve the lives of those around you. Even if those around you are online, you've never met them, and may never see them face to face. It's a new age.

My question to you is this - who has touched your life is a similar way? Who do you know that deserves to be honoured publicly? Post your stories on your blogs and leave a link in my comments and lets start honouring those that deserve to be honoured. Don't have a blog, then just tell the story in the comments.

Namaste

Community...

com·mu·ni·ty –noun, plural -ties.
1. a social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage...
8. similar character; agreement; identity: community of interests.

Lately I've been attending a Community Dinner in my neighbourhood. A friend, who typically keeps to himself, posed the question, "You're pretty big on community aren't you?" Honestly, I had never really thought about it but I am.

The question made me really think, "Why am I so big on community?" The simple answer is that I'm a very social person who believes no one can go through life completely alone. The deeper answer is that I find strength, support, blessings and many other valuable gifts from being involved in community. I am the type of person who needs to give as much as I receive. Being in various communities allows me the opportunities to give back.

There are a number of communities I am involved in which all share different benefits. I am a proud Freecycler. I posted my unwanted but useful items for someone else to use and benefit from and receive items my fellow Freecyclers no longer want. My son has been clothed since birth due to the generosity of Freecyclers. Yes, it's just hand-me-downs but my son is the oldest boy in his family which leaves me without hand-me-downs from family and Freecycling offers me the opportunity to get items.

I am also a member of Glad Tidings Church. While it is true that one does not need to physically go to church to talk to or learn about God attending church brings a sense of community. The other members of the church are family. We are there to love and support each other and sometimes help each other through tough times and tough decisions. Many times I attend church in order to seek advice from pastors or friends that share my beliefs and morals. Doing this helps to ensure that I get answers that are inline with those same beliefs and morals even if the answers are not what I want to hear.

From a business perspective I have gained valuable connections, knowledge and friends through my involvement with the Victoria Legal Secretaries' Association. Yes, it's a bunch of women in the same profession meeting together on a monthly basis to further their knowledge of their profession but also a time for us to gab, catch up and enjoy a good meal. The friends I have made by being apart from this community have not only helped me build my career and reputation but they've also been there for me during my pregnancy, separation and continue to support me in my quest to be the best mother I can be.

The more I think about it, the more I realize there are a vast number of communities I choose to belong to all having their different benefits. But the community I cherish the most is my family. It is probably the most challenging yet most rewarding community to be apart of. We don't always agree, we don't always get along but we ALWAYS look out for each other.

I could go on and on but I think I've made my point ;)

What community(ies) do you belong to? How do you benefit from community?

Where to draw the line...

I try to do my best to put others first but occasionally I need to draw a line and say that my life and sanity come first. Friendship should be based on mutual respect. I also believe that actions speak louder than words. So when is it appropriate for someone to say 'enough is enough, I need to look after myself first'?

Generally for me I do not tolerate hypocrisy. In my books there is nothing worse than listening to someone complain about behaviours that they themselves engage in. Therefore if hypocrisy creeps it's ugly head into the actions of someone I am trying to help through a crisis, I back off.

Another 'no-no' for me is lying. When someone in need lies to me, I try to give them a warning that if it happens again my help is over. If they are lying to themselves than I cannot help them. I've learned from counseling many people that they have to be honest with themselves in order to be helped.

Consideration is also key. When people, crisis or no crisis cannot give me common courtesies I want to run away as fast as I can from them and never look back.

One final factor is my health. I have fibromyalgia. A very misunderstood illness but one that leaves me in chronic pain which worsens with stress. If my pain increases to the point that it interferes with my daily life I am forced to stop and evaluate what I can and/or cannot do to better my situation. If that means telling someone I am unable to help them, so be it. If they are unable to understand this then the relationship is not built on mutual respect.

A relationship not built on mutual respect creates situations where one person is being used. I have put myself on the line more times than I can count and will continue to do so, however I WILL NOT be taken advantage of FULL STOP!

Does this make me a bitch? Or do I just have my priorities and principles straight?

Mondays

Traditionally Monday mornings are dreaded by the majority of society. It marks the start of another work week. For me, it is the only morning I have 100% to myself. My lil guy spends Sunday nights with his dad. But the thing I find odd this morning is that the peace and quiet I so longed to have back after B's birth actually leaves me missing my son and feeling a little odd.

Turns out I don't really enjoy the peace & quiet any more. I do enjoy the additional hour I can sleep in when he's not here but the house just doesn't feel the same without his unidentifiable ramblings and noises.

It is truly strange how what we think we want and what truly makes us happy are two different things sometimes.

Karma Kicks Ass....

I fully believe that life is what you make it and because of this philosophy I am generally a happy, upbeat person.

Recently I have gone through the messiness of a break up but find myself with a pretty sweet life. Yes, I took on more debt than I should have and in general my friends feel that I got "screwed" but I have the peace of mind knowing that I continued to care about what's best for all involved. Also, I have short term pain of super tight finances for a long term effect. In a few years I will take pride knowing that despite leaving my little guy's father I still ensured that he was able to go to school and better himself. That to me is worthwhile as the short term pain of paying off more than my share of debt means my son will be provided for to a higher degree than what his dad can offer him now.

There are other perks too. I may not have got the dishwasher, toaster oven or slow cooker as I would have liked but I unexpectedly ended up with a TV and surround sound system. If you know me, well, you'd understand how much I LOVE movies and what having a home theatre means to me. Let's just say it's been a longing of mine ever since grade twelve when the cast of Antigone went to Matt's house and experience a REAL home theatre. No joke, the guy had a screen retract into the ceiling, a projector and four or five lazy boys in his basement, actually it was a separate room in his basement - kick ass!

But I digress...my point is this - always, no matter what, treat people how you would want to be treated because you never know when Karma is watching and will reward your behaviour in the same fashion you were behaving.

In the Blink of an Eye

Crippling pain struck. Completely out of the blue. One second I was enjoying a nice dinner and the next second I felt as if someone had stabbed me through the chest. The wind was knocked out of me.

More and more I am finally coming to grips with the fact that I am no longer in control of my fibromyalgia. During pregnancy I slept incredibly well and therefore felt little effect from FM but now life is back to way things were before - vicious circle of pain disrupting sleep which creates more pain...