Keeping the Sanity

Again I attempt the blog. I've heard time and time again from new mothers that it has helped them stay sane in amongst the ever changing life they have embarked on so here goes nothing...

Tis true, I am a mother. My little Byron is so precious and despite the trials and tribulations he has brought to my life, one little smile makes my heart melt and I am immediately reassured that this is how my life is supposed to go right now.

The trials, apart from general adjustment to lack of sleep, include the fussiness of a baby with reflux. Poor little guy has too much acid in his stomach and it makes him uncomfortable, and how do uncomfortable babies let you know their pain? The scream. To add to the pressure, we live in an apartment that is generally very quiet so I feel guilty when I can't calm Byron down and think I may be disturbing my neighbors. So far they have not complained and claim only once to have heard him. Still, I don't like to hear my son scream.

Luckily, I have an awesome Mom & Babe group and was encouraged to read (or watch the DVD - which do you think I did?) the book "Happiest Baby on the Block". Complete turn around in my ability to calm my son within seconds! I can even calm him down while changing his diaper (FYI - babies with reflux do not like laying flat on their back and tend to scream bloody murder during the ordeal). Now my nights alone while Shaun is at work are less stressful as they tend to be a lot quieter.

However, babies have their own agendas and schedules and Byron is very curious about his new world. So curious that he has a tendancy to fight sleep all day long just to absorb as much as he can. This causes what we now refer to as "Awake Days" and "Sleepy Days" which tend to alternate. This would be fine to deal with if I had not taken on my position as President of the Victoria Legal Secretaries Association and continued my studies in the Paralegal program through Capilano University and did not have the art of procrastination down to a science. Byron is teaching me that procrastination is EXTREMELY bad. If I don't get the chores done, my work for VLSA and school work done while he's sleeping, no matter when that might be, I will fall behind VERY quickly. He has also taught me that attempting to meet these responsibilities while he's asleep is 100 times easier than when he's awake, or even in a baby carrier. It's amazing that a two month old can teach you a lesson you've tried to avoid so strongly over the last 20+ years.

Another lesson I've learned is that of discipline. My mother and hsuband will no doubt agree that I tend to lack self-discipline. It has been proven with every purchase of exercise clothing and every payment towards a gym membership. I lack consistency where I have good intentions. What I've learned is that by creating a chore schedule for myself I break up the HUGE task of keeping our home clean over the course of the week and have identified the few chores that need to be kept up daily. An suprising bonus was Shaun pitching in and doing the next day's chores freeing me up to catch up on homework. It is also beneficial that he knows what I am attempting to do every day and knows where to pitch in. Again I am reminded that communication is absolutely ESSENTIAL to a happy marriage. I have systems in my chaos that if I don't explain to Shaun, they just appear to be messes. Sometimes there is more chaos than system but if you know the underlying system it makes it easier to tame the chaos, thus communicating that system has its importance.

The other part of my journey of motherhood is the battle of depression. It is no surprise that I have exhibited symptoms of Post Partum Depression (PPD). The hardest part about motherhood for me is criticism. Now constructive criticism is accepted but straight up "you suck" is never helpful. Unfortunately I have received a lot of plain criticism over the past couple months. What hurts most of all is when it comes from family that promised to help you out but have instead just simply said or implied that I'm doing it wrong. Delivery of the message is often more important that the message itself.

I'm a pretty head strong person but I do listen to people's advice. I just may not act on it. However I do distinguish a difference between a "have you tried this" from a "that's how you should do it". I also have principles based on social, political and environmental responsibility. This has created a few tensions amongst people and in some cases I have been debated on how realistic my decisions might be. But I hold strong to my principles even more so than ever. I now not only think of the world I want to enjoy over the rest of my life but that of a world I am investing into for the benefit of my child and possibly grandchildren.

For example, cloth diapering. We tried from the very beginning to not use disposables. Unfortunately we ran into an unexpected problem - Byron's legs were too skinny to fit the gDiapers we loved so much or cloth diapers we had before he was born. This created a battle to keep the contents of the diaper inside the diaper. While in the hopsital and for a few weeks after, we simply gave in and used disposables. I constantly think of how I am responsible for putting x diapers in the landfill that will remain there until my great-granchildren our running around (may seem crazy but honestly, when there are other options available, why not do your part to leave a better planet for the next generations?)

Lately I have even wondered whether or not I should stop gDiapering (now that they fit properly) as much as I have been. I used to gDiaper whenever I'm out and about but now I've started thinking, "if I'm only out for a couple hours and really may only have 2 diaper changes, why shouldn't I just continue with the cloth?" Then I also think, "Well, if I'm going to visit family for a few days and have access to laundry, why not continue cloth diapering and just make sure I wash the diapers before heading home?" The answer is summed up in one question - is the convenience worth the cost? gDiapers break down in 50 - 100 days but spending 50 cents per diaper seems silly when I have a cheaper option even if it means carrying around a dirty diaper for a couple hours or making sure I pack a diaper pail liner with when visiting relatives. But money is a necessary evil and one that is of limited supply.

Babies cost money, they grow out of clothes quickly and go through more diapers than I really want to count. The weird thing is, environmentalism makes babies cheaper not more expensive. I have spent a total cost of $40 on clothing for Byron and he really only needs a few more things in the size range of 6 - 12 months and 18 - 24 months to be clothed right up until he's in toddler sizes and even then, I've got a good start on clothing already. How'd I do it? Freecycle. A wonderful yahoo group where people post what they don't want for those who do want it to come and pick up. It's the old adage of "One man's junk is another man's treasure". Over half of Byron's clothes have come from complete strangers who share my desire to do as much for the environment as they can.

The other money saver is cloth diapers. Now some people argue that the cost of water and electricity to wash the diapers cancels out the savings but at this point I have not seen a huge change in the power bill (or have been told by Shaun that it has increased significantly) and well, I'm in an apartment and water is included so I don't know how much of an increase there is there. I certainly can't see how the cost of 12 - 15 diapers per day at a cost of $0.25/diaper could translate into being cheaper than an increase in utilites to keep cloth diapers clean. I've spent approximately $300 in cloth and gDiapers and anticipate spending another $1-200 before Byron is potty trained. The daily cost of disposables right now would be about $3-4. Over 2 years, counting the cost of utilities, I am still saving, both my money and the environment. Energy is becoming more of a renewable resource with the development of wind farms and other alternative energy sources whereas the ability to break down plastic still takes the same amount of time and landfills continue to increase in mass at an alarming rate.

Furthermore on my argument for cloth diapers - it's only our generation that have truly been exposed to the convenience of disposable diapers. According to my mother, they only started coming on to the market when I, myself were in diapers. This begs the question of, "Is ease of child rearing really worth destroying our children's planet? Or are we simply not thinking enough about how our lives affect those around us?"

Another question I have had, and one that I think Shaun had a harder time with, is, "do we overlook our socio-political principles of boycotting certain stores when given gift cards for those stores?" My mother will tell you with an air of disagreement that I purposely pay more for items because I disagree with how some corporations treat their employees and suppliers. This again raises brings up the point that our actions affect those around us in profound ways whether we intend it to happen or not. Over the last year I have seen a significant drop in the price of organic fabrics and an increase in their availability. What caused this? Consumer demand. More and more people have become aware of the benefits of organic cotton and are now purchasing it making it profitable for farmers to embark on producing organic crops. Same thing has happened with food. It is now profitable to go organic making more organic options available to consumers. Does this mean that if enough people boycott establishments with less than acceptable practices, they will change? Maybe, maybe not, but we'll never know unless we try.

OK, this turned into something totally different than I anticipated but nevertheless, it's what has been on my mind and has arisen from the various decisions I have had to make since becoming a mother.