I have a terrible habit of biting off more than I can chew. Both figuratively and literally. The problem stems from underestimating the difficulty of the task at hand. This year is no different.
Currently I am a mother, university student and president of the Victoria Legal Secretaries Association. All of which carry an immense amount of responsibility.
As a mother, Byron relies on me to keep him fed, dry, safe and happy. The good part, actually the GREAT part is when he smiles at me. My heart melts. No matter how tired, frustrated or stressed I am with life, for at least a few moments, I'm lost in his smile. Oddly enough, motherhood is not as difficult as I had imagined. People said I was insane for taking on so much but honestly it's manageable. I am learning to overcome my procrastination; to utilize those who offer to help; and multi-task whenever possible.
Procrastination is something that I perfected over the years but now I have to take advantage of Byron's nap time or when the hubby is around in order to ensure everything gets done. When push comes to shove, I've even read my contract law text to Byron. Hey, experts say that it doesn't matter what you read to your kid, it all helps develop their language skills. What's the harm in him learning contract law any way? He could become a lawyer some day.
All in all, Byron is the good in what I have taken on this year.
School however, is not so good. Actually, to be honest, it's pretty bad right now. First off, I have to say that when you pay so much money for an education it really sucks when you do not do as well as you would like. Growing up I didn't really care about grades. I knew I was capable of great things; just wasn't interested in what was being taught. Now I choose my courses (to some degree); fork out horrendous amounts of cash; and strive to get A's. Unfortunately I had a baby right when I embarked on the courses I knew would be my biggest challenge.
During my legal secretary program contract law was the one course that prevented me from achieving honours. For some reason I had a mental block when applying the concepts to the cases presented. I knew the concepts. I understood the cases. I just couldn't seem to put it all together. This time round it's no different. I've put in even more effort knowing I have to overcome this mental block but I continue to watch my GPA go down the drain. Worst part, is I have two semesters of this. Yup, Contracts is a two part course and is mandatory for graduation. And really, if you think about it, contracts are everywhere. We can't go a day without entering into some sort of contract. This thought only compounds my frustration.
The down right stressful part of life right now is my responsibilities to the VLSA. I so badly want to leave a lasting impression and make a real impact on the organization. However, not everyone shares the same sense of pride and responsibility in their role. Month after month I waste time and energy chasing after people who should be able to fulfill their obligations or simply fill in the vacant role. So much of my attention is being placed on tasks that are normally delegated that the tasks I wanted to perform to the best of my ability are not getting the attention they deserve.
For example, last year I took on the responsibility of organizing our annual Christmas silent auction. I loved it. So much so that I agreed right away to take in on again. When I took on the presidency I knew that I had already agreed to run the auction again. Unfortunately I have not been able to spend as much time on it this year. The year when economic uncertainty seems to have made many of our regular donors rethink their support. As the day of the auction quickly approaches I see the few donations collected and scramble to cast our net of requests wider. I know the stress I face is truly one I created myself. Partly because I did not stay on top of things but partly because I set such a high standard for myself.
Disappointment in myself looms heavily right now. Last year I set the record for highest amount raised by the auction. This year I fear I will set the record for the lowest amount. In the year that the charities we're supporting mean so much to the membership; so much to a friend I highly admire.
But alas, there is still time to continue on in my quest to be the best I can be. Only one more week left in this semester and two weeks until the auction. Hopefully these last few pushes before the finish line will make all the difference between mediocrity and great achievement.
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